i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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