I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
