Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we should paint friendship bongs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
