thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
