I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
