So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize