You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
