imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
