so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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