I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
