it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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