We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
