the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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