3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
