I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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