question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
