If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
