Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
