Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
