Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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