OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
