He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
