She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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