Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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