you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
