I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
