So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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