I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
