I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
high people should be assigned attendants
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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