Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
