hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
