Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
