M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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