Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
