You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
