My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
