I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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