why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Drake has all the answers
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
