it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
