End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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