I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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