im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
