I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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