I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
