Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
