thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
