new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
