I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
