Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
