Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
