I will die if light touches me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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