I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
