the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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