but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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