Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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