I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
