The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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